Is it better to love or to be loved? This is a question that as a young girl I always answered with the later; For to be loved is to be cherished, to be made a princess, to be the center of someone’s world. Who does not want to be that? But if I am asked today my answer would be the former. I would much rather have loved and even lost to love than not at all.

To love someone was and in many was still is an abstract thought. Not only was it abstract but it was elusive too. For you see I was a cynic. To me love didn’t exist. My standard statement was love is a series of emotional needs that you project on someone and fulfill with that person. So basically fulfill the needs and you have found love. If the needs change and the relationship doesn’t evolve with that change you fall out of love.  So for me it was better to be the recipient of someone’s affections. It was all about supply and demand, and if it was on offer and someone wanted to give me their attention love and their affection, then hey why not?!

But that all changed drastically the day cupid shot his arrow and hit a bull’s-eye. I was a casualty, still am, for I have entered a whole other world. To experience love is something I never imagined or dreamed of in my wildest, most cynical dreams. Something I theorized about, but never expected. And so the irony of ironies happened and the cynic became a fool. And to this fool, to love is to feel and experience the world at a whole other level. You go through all the colors of emotion. You become someone you never were. You ache in anticipation and pain, you soar in thought and fulfillment.

 

It doesn’t matter if you lose to love because, in the end, you become alive. Alive with every touch, sound, smell, taste and sight around you; the jasmine in the air, the silkiness of a cat’s fur, the sweetness of chocolate, the twittering of birds at sunrise, the sunrise itself all take on new meanings. You notice what was obscure. You emit an energy, a rosy glow that can only be love. To feel all that is to know there is blood coursing through your  veins, you are alive.

So if I am to be asked today would I love or be loved? I would say I want both, and for the person to be one and the same. But life doesn’t always give you everything you want, and so I would choose to love. I would rather be alive with the love of another than burdened with the love of another. 

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